Bad toilets

Students from Barncock Primary are soon taking part in a project about ‘The Worst Toilets in the World.’ The scheme of work will lead to a qualification in lavatory design. The students will create toilets using the three watchwords of good lavatory design – ‘convenience sanitation and fun’

Published in: on September 30, 2018 at 4:36 pm  Leave a Comment  

Fish fans come out of woodwork…

Mudlands Comprehensive will be holding a ‘let’s hear it for fish day’ soon. The school is attempting to raise funds for fish that have fallen on hard times.

Published in: on July 2, 2014 at 10:59 pm  Leave a Comment  

Cat promise for windfarm…

Birdfish Psycho School will be opening their new windfarm in 2018. It will be the first windfarm in Europe with its own cattery.

Published in: on July 1, 2014 at 7:44 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Mankadoo war on war…

Mankadoo Humanities Tech is a wonderful school that sadly has been subject to horrendous battles and ‘hot’ wars over the last few years. Staff at the school have valiantly tried to keep the educational content steady for the students during this difficult time (when they aren’t joining in with the shooting… Bang! Bang!) Parts of the school have been blown up, burnt down or pulverized by lasers since the conflict began. The Head says these bits will be rebuilt once it is safe to do so, although there is so much bad blood between departments (and those difficult site supervising staff) that it is unlikely that there will be peace anytime soon.

Published in: on January 21, 2014 at 8:20 pm  Leave a Comment  

Bogwatch to excite…

Students from Barncock Primary will be taking part in a project about ‘The Worst Toilets in the World.’ The scheme of work will see the students exploring some of the world’s nastiest and least sanitary facilities using virtual reality software. They will research and then create their own ‘bad bog’ model using cardboard, imitation Perspex and melted twixes. The most realistic and revolting model will win a prize of a visit to a toilet once nominated as the worst in Lionminster.

Published in: on January 14, 2014 at 5:56 pm  Leave a Comment  

Poems and rubbish

A poem written by a student at Chicken Hut Primary

 

My teacher was hit by a tree oh yes!

My teacher was hit by a tree oh yes!

My teacher was crushed by the Dad of a bush

My teacher was hit by a tree oh yes!

 

 

My teacher was crushed by some wood oh yes!

My teacher was crushed by some wood oh yes!

My teacher was bonked on his hairless bonce

 

My teacher was crushed by some wood oh yes!

 

My teacher was pummelled by a plant oh yes!

My teacher was pummelled by a plant oh yes!

My teacher was hit, oh the tree-crushed twit

My teacher was pummelled by a plant oh yes!

 

My teacher was hit by a tree oh yes!

TREE!

Published in: on October 29, 2013 at 7:35 am  Leave a Comment  
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Not much happening…

Most of the school’s in the Wold of Woldshire are currently shut to allow staff to recuperate, blackboards to be painted black again, whiteboards to be chemically scoured, site supervisors to get trough their backlog of roll-ups and for students to run around wildly climbing effigies and kissing trees.

We reported yonks ago that Blood-hungry school for travelling and germs a punctuation college was to be forcibly closed to allow the removal of squatting elks from lower gym. This has now taken place and the elks removed. Nobody knows what to do with them now and they are currently sleeping on the small patch of grass outside the staff beating area. The caretaker periodically removes the waste to avoid a build-up of elk poo but the situation can’t go on interminably.

Published in: on July 29, 2013 at 6:44 pm  Leave a Comment  

TV oddball in school dilemma…

Stories are leaking out from Sinkton Comp about the eccentric life-style of ex-student Neal Eggstrung, who went on from earning a CSE in Place-work at the school to a career in radio, abuse, hitting otters on TV, game shows such as ‘Box or No Box’ and cosmic ordering. It seems Mr Eggstrung would visit the school frequently to entice students to ‘Eggstrung Manor’ where he would play pranks on them, coat them with creamy dip, talc and then hose them with freezing vodka. What happened next is anybody’s guest.

Published in: on June 26, 2013 at 6:56 pm  Leave a Comment  

Duvet kids are coming…

Irritating youth sub-culture the ‘Duvet Kids’ has taken over Birdfish Psycho School. Students have been arriving at the school dressed in entire body-encompassing bedclothes. They lounge around on the floor or are found casually lying against bollards or walls. When challenged they simply turn over and face their ‘blind duvet’ side to the interrogator. So far, there have been at least seven cases of smothering.

Published in: on June 5, 2013 at 7:39 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Lurky bogs await…

Students from Barncock Primary will be taking part in a project about ‘The Worst Toilets in the World.’ The scheme of work is designed to bolster their creativity, foster an interest in the wider world, make them aware of health and safety concerns and shock them.

Published in: on June 4, 2013 at 4:36 pm  Leave a Comment  
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